| We've all experienced grief and loss when someone | | | | bath. |
| you love dies. | | | | 3. Live one day at a time |
| But we're usually ill prepared because death is often | | | | When you realize you'll survive your loss, albeit |
| sudden. How can you possibly go on living when | | | | reluctantly, live one day at a time. Soak up the |
| someone you love has died? Conflicting emotions of | | | | sympathy you receive from family, friends and |
| sorrow, anger, loneliness, sadness, shame, anxiety | | | | members of your community. The knowledge that |
| and guilt may accompany grief, making it all the more | | | | you have the support of a close circle of family and |
| stressful. | | | | friends will go a long way to helping with your |
| Failing to work through each stage of grief means it | | | | recovery. |
| takes longer for healing to occur. Although this can | | | | You'll also need time alone to fall apart, to feel your |
| be a painful process, it's important to deal with your | | | | pain without worrying about taking care of others. |
| feelings because it affects your future emotional and | | | | It's unhealthy to hold in so much emotion, and others |
| physical well-being. | | | | will feel uncomfortable if they see you at your most |
| To grieve the death of a loved one may seem | | | | distraught. |
| unbearable, but it's actually healing. Mourning is | | | | 4. Look after yourself |
| different for each person and below are some steps | | | | Throwing yourself into your work, sleep, exercise, |
| to help you through the grieving process. | | | | food or alcohol prolongs the grieving process. Instead, |
| Before we begin, grief professionals sometimes say | | | | develop a routine. Familiar tasks which require little |
| real grieving begins where the five stages of grief -- | | | | thought provide a comforting structure around which |
| denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance -- | | | | you can base your day. |
| leave off, and only starts when friends stop calling, | | | | Eat nutritious food and if you aren't hungry take a |
| when everyone thinks you should be over it and | | | | multi-vitamin or drink a meal replacement shake. Bath |
| back to normal. | | | | or shower once a day. |
| Grief work can be summarized by the acronym | | | | Dealing with death is exhausting and stressful. You'll |
| TEAR: | | | | find yourself emotionally and physically depleted. So |
| T = To accept the reality of your loss | | | | rest often. Get lots of sleep and don't overtax |
| E = Experience the pain of your loss | | | | yourself. Structure with regard to self-care habits is |
| A = Adjust to the environment without the | | | | one way to help you as you come to terms with |
| deceased | | | | your loss. |
| R = Reinvest in the new reality | | | | When you feel like you're losing it, do something |
| 1. Accept your loss | | | | purely for yourself - run, meditate, hit a punching bag, |
| It may be tempting to deny the loss of a loved one | | | | scream, pray, go for a drive - do whatever you need |
| by acting as if it's not a big deal or pretending | | | | to in order to cope with the grief, without feeling |
| they've gone away. But preferably sooner rather | | | | guilty about it. |
| than later, you need to accept the person has gone | | | | Expect to cry often, even in public. It's a normal part |
| and won't be coming back. | | | | of the grieving process so don't be embarrassed. |
| 2. Focus on getting through one hour at a time | | | | Crying is cathartic. |
| At first your loss will feel horrific and surviving | | | | 5. Have faith |
| without your loved one seems impossible. You lack | | | | People who believe in God or a higher power cope |
| the will to do anything. Things you used to do | | | | better. Being grateful and prayers of thanks in good |
| automatically are difficult. When you live one hour at | | | | times is just as important as praying when you're in |
| a time you feel reassured when you're able to do | | | | trouble. If you're spiritual, praying and meditation can |
| even mundane tasks like getting out of bed in the | | | | give you much needed strength. |
| morning, dressing yourself, eating food or taking a | | | | |