| Ousted by the Republican party after a closely | | | | can beat him over the head with the pan, use the |
| fought referendum(51%) in which the Monarchy is | | | | comb to get him out of her hair and console herself |
| declared an anachronism, the Queen and Prince | | | | with the company of the cat!" |
| Consort decide to live out their exile in Italy. The | | | | Next morning the Press Secretary announced to no |
| former UK is now known as New English Republican | | | | one in particular |
| Dominions (NERD). Follow their daily adventures as | | | | "She's absolutely furious!" |
| they come to terms with the complicated political and | | | | "Who?"the Queen asked puzzled |
| social mores of Italy while keeping in touch with | | | | "The Mayor of Bracciano, the town where TomKat |
| events and personalities back home. | | | | tied the knot" said the Press Secretary. |
| Get details on Italian tourism, events and Italian | | | | "Tomcat is a male cat" said PC with great emphasis. |
| recipes on :- | | | | "But that was not clarified in the Scientology wedding |
| Queen and TomKat | | | | ceremony - 'perhaps a cat' - sex not specified" said |
| Tom Cruise's wedding seemed to be getting a lot of | | | | the Queen. |
| attention in the NERD press- much more than in the | | | | "Anyway,why is the Mayor so upset?" |
| Italian papers. | | | | "First, she did not get an invite to the wedding and |
| The town of Bracciano was beseiged by paparazzi | | | | the Mayor of Rome did -so sour grapes there. |
| and one ex-English resident of the town had written | | | | Secondly , the town was besieged by paparazzi, |
| to the Middle England Bible complaining that they | | | | traffic blocked and then TomKat did not even make |
| would like their town back.... please Tom! | | | | an appearance or go on a walkabout- it could have |
| But some residents were cashing in on the | | | | really put Bracciano on the map and the residents |
| event,even renting out their balconies with a view of | | | | might have got a little thrill- you know'Bracciano |
| the castle for a mere $1,000 for the day! Tom of | | | | becomes a Hollywood Suburb'" said the Press |
| course was in full control - he had put a million dollar | | | | Secretary. |
| gagging order on the catering staff so that no details | | | | "Instead, nobody appeared in the town - everybody |
| of the wedding feast at one of the most famous | | | | arrived surrounded by bodyguards, portcullis up and all |
| restaurants in Rome would be revealed. | | | | the town got to see were a few lousy fireworks |
| "But who cares what they are going to eat?" | | | | and as it was a foggy evening, these were damp |
| protested the Queen. | | | | squibs. No flowers sent to the Mayor, no telegram of |
| "Well, I suppose a waiter could get a nice tidy sum | | | | thanks" he continued. "And she was going to make |
| for revealing the menu to a journalist and steal Tom's | | | | them Honorary Citizens of Bracciano!" |
| thunder" mused the Press Secretary. "But he didn't | | | | "You know, I think the Mayor is right" the Queen said |
| succeed in getting the airspace closed over Bracciano | | | | thoughtfully " They should have done a walkabout - I |
| - the helicopter traffic is deafening", he laughed. | | | | would have done - I have always respected my |
| "The Scientology wedding ceremony is rather | | | | subjects- I mean people in general" she finished |
| interesting- he promises or acknowledges that 'girls | | | | lamely. |
| need clothes and food and tender happiness and frills, | | | | The residents were pleased at least that when all the |
| a pan,a comb and perhaps a cat!" exclaimed the | | | | stars arrived, it was raining!"the Press Secretary |
| Queen. | | | | laughed. |
| "And she promises or knows that 'young men are | | | | "At least Mrs Beckham's hat was useful - she was |
| free and may forget their promises" chimed in the | | | | wearing what looked like a flying saucer !" sneered |
| Press Secretary. | | | | PC. |
| Prince Consort snorted "So, if Tom is unfaithful, she | | | | |